He Still Doesn't Get It...

Since we're heading off to the zoo today, and since my mind has turned to mush after a horrific weekend spent cleaning up mushy, fluorescent yellow, toxic dog shit and much alcohol, I'm re-posting this little ditty detailing one of last summer's trips to the local zoo.

Ah, shut up. All the cool kids are recycling posts these days, and some of my new readers probably aren't so infatuated with me that they went all through my archives. Hard to believe, I know, and shame on them. I was way funnier a year ago. Plus, if we bring my nephew with us, today will probably be a repeat drama where punches are thrown over a fucking snow cone. This year, I'll get pictures of the brawl for you, I promise.

So, without further ado, we'll start with a loverly shot of my husband...


Turns out my husband still doesn't understand why I got so mad yesterday at the zoo when he got one blue cotton candy and one pink one for a five-year old boy and a seven-year old boy, which lead to a very loud argument and punches being thrown. He thought my post last night was unfair to him because I referred to him as "my genius husband." That's a photo of him above pouting and looking to pick a fight.

This was our conversation in words and pictures:

Him: "Why did you have to write a post about me?"

Me: "Did you actually read it, because it had almost nothing to do with you?"

Him: "You called me stupid."

Me: "No, I didn't call you stupid. I was merely pointing out that you
did a stupid thing, which lead to a total scene between the boys."

Him: "Oh, like they weren't being annoying before that."

Me: "Umm, yeah, they were. That's the point. Why make it worse, when you know how they fight over everything in their little macho man competition?"

Him: "That's what the lady handed me."

Me: "And that's when every mother on the planet would have asked for two blue ones. It's called anticipating the problem and fixing it before it blows up in your face."

Him: "They only had one blue. I asked."

Me: "No, you didn't. Don't even try it."

Him: "Screw you. I did ask."

Me: "Then you should have gotten two pink ones, and that would have solved the problem."

This is what his face looked like, because there was nothing he could say to that...

Then there was me...

Then there was him...

Then there was me...

This last one is a bonus because I know that, like me, all of you always wanted to know just how a giraffe picks its nose.

Now we know...