I'm Back In The Saddle Again, I'm BAAACK...

Lola and company have limped their way back to the real world after a few days of R & R -- mayhem -- down in glorious P-Town. I'm exhausted, and I need my binky, so I was going to just do a wordless Wednesday post and go pass out with my puppies. I've even got the perfect penis shot to pull it off, but you guys know I love to talk, and I know you love to listen -- um -- read. So, Kittens, I'll use every last ounce of energy in my way-too-old-to-be-doing-that body to give you the highlights and the low-lights and a little eye candy from the Town of P.

We took the long, scenic route down and found a great place for lunch. Just as we rolled on into town, a nasty thunderstorm kicked up and soaked us as we unloaded the giant amount of crap that the BFF and I brought into a not so giant room that was to be shared by three bitches for three days. Thankfully, bitch number three travels very light.

The innkeepers couldn't have been nicer, and they had a gorgeous dog named Sophie that I made a beeline for, announcing that I had dibs on the dog for the next three days. She even followed me to the room and hung out. AWWW! The room was beautiful, but the bathroom was smaller than my pantry, and you could not possibly fit one thing in there other than your own self (and your own self better be pretty damn small). Not a big deal really, but three bitches need to complain about something you know.

So, we got the wine flowing and kicked off three days of eating too much, drinking too much, shopping too much and sleeping way too little. We met up with our gorgeous friend Billy, found a restaurant, ate and then headed over for Showgirls, a/k/a drag queen karaoke. Now, that's some funny shit, but it was crowded and so we hit a bar, people watched and then went to see Billy's one-man show.

He was fabulous, as always, but the owner of the place has his whole staff so uptight that us girls actually got SHUSHED and basically told, "No fun for you" by the bartender and a couple other workers when we got a little riled up. Excuse me? This is not the P-Town I know and love. Me shushed? The BFF had gotten the crowd worked up by joining Billy for a couple songs, but I've been rowdier than that in my living room hanging with the dogs and my peeping Tommy frog. Whatever!!

We closed the place using our inside voices and headed back to the room, where we had so much fun that the sleeping guests most likely were shaken from their sleep by our impromptu Pat Benatar concert at 2 A.M. After we finally hit the hay around 3:30, we got to listen to stray cats fighting outside the inn window for quite a while, and none of us got much sleep.

Day two was spent feeling like crap, eating way too much and shopping until one hour before the play was to start. We SHOULD have been napping, but only one of us was smart enough to do that. No, it wasn't me, and it wasn't the BFF. We just kept on going and going until it was time for the play. "Evil Genius" Ryan had saved us our three seats in the front row, so we wandered in with not one minute to spare, talked with some people we know, and then we were treated to the best damn play ever.

I've been seeing Ryan and the Orphans' plays for probably ten years now, and Whizzin', their raunchy take on the Wizard of Oz, was by far the best. We laughed our asses off the entire time. The singing, the acting, the unbelievable sets, makeup and sick jokes were just beyond what we expected. They even found a way to have a tornado spinning through the audience. Dorothy carried around Ryan's adorable little Jack Russell Rhoda through her booming show tunes and dance numbers, and that dog didn't even squirm once. She is a total stage dog. Unbelievable, the whole damn thing.

After the show, we had to eat, of course, and then we went to see Billy's "Scream Along with Billy" show at a club where no one was shushing anybody. This show just got an incredible review in the New Yorker, so hopefully the rest of the world will get to see what we've been seeing for years now that he's getting some serious recognition. He is so incredibly talented, and we love him!

So, after another long night of partying with the gays, we passed out. Today, there was more shopping, eating and then the long ride home to our hetero life in the suburbs. It's back to the husband, the kid, the dogs, cats and housework with absolutely no chance of seeing sickeningly gorgeous men making out with each other in the middle of the street. We'll head back next year, of course, for a few days of the ultimate escape, and I can't wait.

Until then, all I can say is, there's no place like home, there's no place like home...

Oh, yeah, and here's the view from the bed in our beautiful room overlooking the main drag and the ocean.



Here's the view just a few feet over to the right. How fucking awesome is that, party people?



That's P-Town for you.