Oh, get your minds out the gutter, people. What's wrong with you? I wish I was having a little party for one right about now, but no, no party for me. It's 10 PM, and I'm supposed to be working, not jerking. I'm not supposed to be blogging either, but I am a naughty girl, so I'm stopping by for a little blogasm.
My day was a big wet fart kind of a day, so I need a little blog release. It started out at the vet having a yearly checkup on my Pretty Kitty, and the vet informed me that he heard a heart murmur. Great, just great. I happen to really like this cat. What this means was explained to me, but I chose not to listen. No vet has heard it before, including him, so instead of panicking and getting a kitty-cat echo done STAT, I'm just going to bring her back to have another vet give her little ticker a listen. I have to admit that it bummed me out, though. She is my favorite feline.
Then I had to run her home and run me to the salon to fix my four-inch roots. I should have listened when my last hair stylist told me not to start highlighting my hair. Her exact words were, "Don't fucking do it! You are not a high maintenance hair kinda gal."
Man, was she right. I'm not a high maintenance hair kinda gal. I like my hair, and I keep it nice and stylish, but I don't like to go to the salon every six, seven weeks. I don't have that much gray to deal with, but since I started the damned highlights and lowlights, it's a major time-suck and money pit. My hair has become a money pit.
So, as I sat in the salon amongst the women who seem to just love being there, I felt like I was in hell. I don't like salons. I don't get my nails done. I don't get facials. I don't get massages. I LOVE my stylist. She's a kickass person and extremely talented. I've never really been unhappy with what she does. That is extraordinary, as I'm very hard to please. I was only mad at her once when the highlights were too light. I'm not a blonde by nature, and I can't be by bottle. Very ugly on my pasty Irish skin.
Today was the "big" day with the cut, roots, overall semi-permanent and foils, which means close to three hours in this annoying world of happy, gossipy women. I tried to read my book, but with all the yapping in there, I just ended up listening and then jumping into conversations. I wish I could have checked in on you all, but my cell phone is a dinosaur.
Then the Dinocell rang, and it was my office informing me that the sleazy lawyer from Miami wants the doctor depo I took on Tuesday first thing tomorrow morning. I proceeded to laugh and tell poor "Mary" that that's not going to happen as I'm not even going to be home until late tonight. A total lie, but I don't care.
Sleazy told me he needed it next Tuesday, and snapping his fingers at 1:30 this afternoon is not going to get him anywhere with me. He doesn't need it. He just wants it. Typical lawyer. Sorry, Sleazy. I'm a cranky, old court reporter, and I'm not going to kill myself to get a transcript to some schmuck that probably won't pay his bill first thing in the morning.
I know this puts "Mary" in a nasty position, as she's got to call back and tell him no, but she said he was an ass on the phone so she didn't mind. An hour later, "Mary" calls back and tells me he's okay if he gets it by the end of the day. Big surprise. He didn't need it, and Mr. Tan is not going to spend one second reading that transcript over the weekend. He's going to be cruising the bars looking for models.
The end result is I still have to work tonight and most of the day tomorrow, but I don't have to kill myself. I make the same money if I get it to him at 5:00 PM that I would have if I got it to him by 9:00 AM, and that's my bottom line. He can jerk off until he gets it.
Oooh, I am a naughty girl indeed!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
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24 comments:
I love bad girls...lol
I am with you on the no high maintenance hair...however the one thing I do is get my nails done...I don't have facials etc but I do likey my nails to be purty!
Naughty! What with the bacon first and now the attitude - well, it would be a terrible thing to waste a bit of attitude. I worked for men like that and they love it.
I do my own high-maintenance hair colour and when it's being cut I ignore the chat and observe the techniques.
Poor kitty - hope she's okay.
How can one get his mind out of the gutter with a blog title like that?
Bliss: I do recall seing you with blue nails, and they were purty! Oh, the ship has sailed on the high maintenance hair. I own it. I've paid a very high price for it, but at least I own it.
Scatter: Yeah, he needed a little slap of reality, and I was happy to give it. You are a cheeky monkey, my dear. I'm way too afraid to color my hair!
Pretty Kitty is fine, in my "expert opinion". I think he just heard something weird because she was freaking out over being at the vet. I did catch that little nugget of possibility from his doctorly speech, and I chose to cling to that. I know what to watch for, too.
Badass: You're so BAD!!!
I was so hoping you were going to join me in the gutter. Oh well.
I HATE getting my hair done. I do the low/high lights and my hair is incredibly thick and has a mind of its own. It takes 3 1/2 hours to tame the beast. And, last April I donated 8 inches of my hair for "Locks of Love". I felt great about doing it, but I am not the kinda gal who looks good with short hair. It's just past my shoulders now and slowly returning to its former glory. I have to go to the salon in two weeks. I'm dreading it.
I don't even have bangs anymore because I can't handle going to get them trimmed. I get lazy and grow my hair out long, then donate it to locks of love and start again. I am too lazy to even blow dry it. Also, because it is so thick that would be a time suck. It would take too long.
You know, my friend, one of the things I love about your writing is how....descriptive and visual it is...phrases like "wet fart" and "dinocell" just make me smile!
CCG: I donated mine years ago, and I can't seem to let it grow longer than below my shoulders anymore. Why? Because I also started getting major layers put in, which was the other thing my former stylist told me not to do. The bitch knew me so well.
I just like change. I've been every color except black, and I love a fresh, new cut. Oh, and you seem to be crawling out of the gutter, darling!
Moon: I don't blow dry my hair unless I'm going somewhere. I can't believe Badass didn't get all excited about the "wet fart" reference. That was all for him. I guess he had other things on his mind...
Awww, sorry to hear about your kitty. I hope it's nothing.
It's so hard to do the highlights and stuff myself. Grrr. My hair is too long. They start out nice and chunky on top and then turn into little whisps of color in the body of my hair. My cousins who are sisters, do each others hair and it looks professionally. I need a hair buddy I guess. lol
I keep considering the highlights. My cousin swears they can fix them so I only have to go in about every 6 months, but I don't buy it. My hair grows pretty fast.
He can jerk off until he gets it, and then you can jerk off once you give it to him!
Damnit Lola! I thought you were going to get into some kind of thing about being naughty and Badass being handy with pussy again. Eh. I PRETEND I get my hair taken care of every 3 months. It's actually something like every 6. I also pretend I don't like salons because of all you described. It's actually because I can't stand sitting still that long.
NEVER! I live in the gutter. I'm just on sabatical. I shall return next week! HA!
My stylist is great, but I still hate going. So much that its been almost six months since my last visit. I dye my own hair and about two months ago I gave myself a trim...it looks just fine when I tilt my head to the left!
Hope your kitty's okay.
Heather: Have your cousins do your hair!
Honey: Your cousin is lying. Don't do it!!
Miss Grace: That's the plan!
Mongolian: I'll come get slutty on your blog later, my dear. Yeah, sitting is a problem for me, too.
CCG: Slut!
3699: I'm sure the kitty will be okay. My friend's cat has had a murmur for 20 years.
So, you walk around with your head tilted. Works for me.
I hate the salon, too. And I need to go back. I have my hair dyed my natural color and I *hate* it.
Yeah, my mouse brown doesn't make me all tingly inside either.
Oooh! I love it when you talk dirty! Admit it! You miss it!
I admit it, my dear. Bring it on!
ha! blogasm. I'm gonna steal that in the future. Just FYI. :)
I'm not so sure I didn't steal it, so go right ahead. I have no idea where it came from.
I commented earlier but it's not here - must've mis-read the word verification.
Yea, I'm with ann(ie) about the 'blogasm' loveit!! - you'll have to start up a 'Lola's word inventions' on your sidebar.
I'm sure you're probably right about Kitty – you get an instinct about your own pets, as you do with your children.
I’m not advising people to colour their own hair – I do mine ‘cos I’m a trained hairdresser. I’m so pleased that so many of you have donated to Locks of Love.
Now is there any wine going spare in this here commenting party?
"blogasm" hee! ;-)
ah you lost me at wet fart!!! grossarama!!!! ok not really i kept reading but i HATE that expression cuz it gives me the heavies!
I hears ya there, Maggie. It was the best way to describe my day, though.
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