So, I have a cousin who is a pilot for a big, shitty airline. Her husband is also a pilot for the same big, shitty airline. I know, all airlines are shitty, but theirs is particularly shitty. They have no kids, so they've got plenty of time and money. They've been in Hawaii for some ridiculous amount of time having a grand old vacation for themselves. This afternoon, she dropped me an e-mail detailing their fun in the sun and asking how I was.
I sent her this as my reply:
.jpg)
I replied: "My tits are awesome!"
She replied: "They're all right. Your attitude could use a little work."
I replied: "Says the bitch sitting on her ass in Hawaii. Did you park your bucket-of-bolts plane out in the hotel parking lot?"
She replied: "Nahh, we flew first class and let someone else dodge the birds."
I replied: "How come I've never used you to get me bumped up to first class? What the fuck is wrong with me? I've got a cousin who's a pilot, and I'm in the cheap seats."
She replied: "Probably because weather girls are stupid." I think she threw in some lame "Hee-hee" at the end.
I replied: "Weather girls aren't stupid. They just act stupid so no one throws shit at them when they're out to dinner. Getting paid a lot of money to stand there and be wrong most of the time is a sign of genius.
"Oh, now I remember why I've never called in my first class favors. I hate your fucking asshole airline, and I don't dare risk being held hostage on the tarmac for ten hours while the toilets overflow because of some scheduling mistake."
She replied: "You'd be escorted off the plane in handcuffs within the first hour, I'm sure. Hee-hee."
(I know what you're thinking, a person entrusted to land a plane with your ass strapped into it safely at your destination of choice writes "Hee-hee" more than once? Don't worry, she was probably drunk typing. I'm sure she never drinks before she flies or says "Hee-hee" when she's telling you to buckle up and prepare for a bumpy ride.)
I replied: "Yeah, for punching the stupid pilot in the face."
She replied: "Hee-hee! Enjoy the weather, bitch!"
I replied: "Later, bitch."
.jpg){kind=link}
17 comments:
I would TIVO the shit out of your weather forecasts!
Fucking rain. I'm SO done with it.
You SHOULD be a weather girl. I'd actually listen to you!
Oh maaaaaaaaaaaaan, I've got one girl cousin who gets all butt hurt when I call her names. Ask your cousin if I can get her email address so I have a cousin to cuss at, will ya?
And, in honor of your needed boob job, my word verification today is "hooties". How appropriate is THAT?
Oh you'd rock as a weather girl!
Yea, the rain...what the hell is up???? Is this part of global warming??
Oh please, please become a weather girl.
Rain, rain go away.
Little Lola wants to play.
' my tits are awesome '
' that's right, it's your attitude that could use some work '
= best blog exchange of the week
you just make me laugh!
It's been nothing but sweat-down-the-crack-of-your-ass-hot here. I'd like some rain to break up the monotony of the hot effing sun beating down on my hot sweaty ass. We did have one great thunderstorm though.
Sus: You'd probably have to, since I'd likely be fired after the first week.
Badass: HA! I love it when you swear ;)
Tex: I think I might have missed my chance. You don't see any middle-aged weather girls, even though you see tons of OLD men doing it.
Monkey: My cousin is just like me, except she's a math geek. She can take it and dish it out. Can't be much of a pussy when you fly hundreds of people around in a bucket of bolts for a living.
Moon: I'm thinking global warming has to have something to do with it. Maybe my weather girl training will confirm that for us ;)
Auntie: I'll have to be a cable weather girl for you to see, so I'll put my name in.
3699: Yes, and she wants a good hair day!
Maggie: You should see what she wrote me after she read the blog post and I made fun of her "Hee-hees"!
Areason: That's why I'm here.
Juicy: I feel for you and the rest of the country that's frying in their own sweat. I hate the heat more than I hate never-ending rain, so you know once this rain stops that that's what we're going to get here, blazing heat. There seems to be no happy medium in the weather department anymore ;(
I say you audition for that naked news show and do the weather. I'd watch it!
That graphic was awesome, as was the banter. I'm really glad it's not rainy and doom and gloomy here, because then I might kill someone.
Now that is an awesome email conversation.
Hee-hee.
Ellie
So. Next time are you getting bumped up to first class?
hee-hee
You should definitely be a weather girl. Actually, you should have a whole news broadcast. You can talk about how fucking rediculous politicians are, how stupid and moronic the general public is, then you can cuss out the weather. You could call it FUTV!
You are full of the awesome. Just make sure you have an old-fashioned wooden pointer to whack on the screen. Shaking a remote at the weather map doesn't have the same effect as banging the crap out of it while you smile sweetly and say, "Looks like we're in for more effin' rain at the end of the week."
Post a Comment